If I had only known

I am not a "cry er". I don't feel sorry for old people. I generally do not just Love kids...UnLesS, of course, it is my child or I know the child. I do Not cry if me and Nick are in a fight. I laugh in uncomfortable situations. However, I have a HUGE heart for people in a tragic situation(loss of spouse, child, etc.) I will actually imagine if it were me and hurt for them...maybe even when I don't even know them. I also will SOB at a sad movie...it gets pretty dramatic. Maybe because I hardly ever cry so it all comes out? I dunno. But one of my biggest passions would have to be animals. I guess because of the raw innocence. Make it a baby animal and I'm really in hog heaven. I seriously considered becoming a vet. I still toy with that dream at times. In the end I don't think I have what it takes for all of the loss and the suffering I would witness. I wish I just had that knowledge. I always think about volunteering at the zoo. It would probably just be food prep, but it would still be cool to be close by and the things that you would learn.

Okay the point to all of this is that something recently happened that I can't get off my mind and I am hoping writing this helps. We found a nest of wild baby rabbits in our backyard. Nali actually got to one first. I don't think she meant to kill it. I think she was trying to play with it. Whatever the case I can't get too upset about it because it is nature and it was completely out of my hands bc I didn't know they were there. Since we found out we were letting Muffin and Nali out front. We were checking on the other 2 babies every few hours. I had looked on the Internet and it said do not touch them or the mom will not return. And 95% do not survive. And they are even harder to keep alive yourself. So, we decided to let them be. They looked healthy...had all their hair...seemed to be maturing(in looks) so we thought the mom was coming back. Well, the truth was we were watching them slowly die and I had no idea. Sunday after church I went out there and thought they were so cute sleeping bc they were cuddled up together and I even took some pics. That night we went to check on them before bed and they were in the same position, lifeless. I cannot even describe the way I felt. I cried for almost two hours nonstop feeling like I was going to vomit bc I had made the wrong call. I should have taken them in. I should have contacted a wildlife rescue. Why was I so ignorant thinking everything was just okay? It made me sick I could not take it back. I couldn't fix it now. They were suffering, slowly dying while I watched! I am still so upset. I know that most people find this ridiculous. But to me those people are ridiculous. I cannot help how I feel and people who have a disregard for animal life...something is wrong. I am not down with hunting as a "hobby" I feel like it is barbaric and ridiculous that people get a rush from killing making it a sport. I am like Ace Ventura having a melt down when I walk into a room with deer heads(etc.) mounted on the wall! I mean, seriously! It's not enough you killed it? You want to save its head as a "trophy" and mount it on your wall? Unbelievable!! I do weirdly understand animals raised to eat. And I know my views on this are controversial and sometimes hypocritical. I eat meat...wish I were vegan. I may be one day. I could vent on and on about this, but I won't. It just makes me furious that most people think it is "silly" for me to be this upset about what happened. What kind of world do we live in?

I'm sorry for the dramatics, but it's how I feel. Isn't this what blogs are all about? expressing yourself?